How To Get the Most Out Of A First Meeting With A Birth Mother

One of the most exciting (and often nerve-wracking) experiences during the adoption process is meeting with an expectant mother who is considering giving her child up for adoption.

These meetings can take place in person or over the phone, and often involve both parties getting to know each other in order to determine whether they are a good fit. As a prospective adoptive parent, it is important to understand that the birth mother is often just as nervous as you are.

Adoption is one of the most consequential decisions that people can make in their lives, whether you are choosing to adopt or to place your baby for adoption, and the fact that the parties to the adoption are often strangers makes for an extremely stressful and emotionally-charged environment in many cases.

As a result, it is important to take steps to make sure that the meeting goes smoothly and is fruitful for everyone involved. Here are some things you can do as a prospective adoptive parent to get the most out of your first meeting with an expectant mother.

Prepare a List of Questions

You should be sure to take the time to prepare a thorough list of questions you want to ask the birth mother. These often include the following:

  • How do your parents feel about your pregnancy and your decision to place your baby for adoption?
  • How does the birth father feel about the adoption?
  • When is the baby due?
  • How have your OB appointments been going?
  • Is this your first pregnancy?
  • How are you feeling?
  • What do you like to do in your spare time?
  • What encouraged you to consider adoption as the best plan for your child?

When asking these questions, be aware that the way you word things is very important. You may have preconceived notions about people who place their children for adoption, and certain questions may come across as offensive or judgmental if you are not careful.

For this reason, it is a good idea to have the questions you plan to ask reviewed by a third party, such as your lawyer. Some questions you have should be given to your lawyer – let your attorney find out some of the sensitive information for you so that you don’t have to have an awkward conversation with the birth mom that may prevent you from bonding and connecting.

Be Prepared to Answer Questions

Keep in mind that your first meeting is an interview for both sides. As a result, you should be prepared to answer questions that you may not ordinarily expect to hear from someone you just met.

Generally speaking, you will have already provided basic information about what you do for a living, your religious views, where you live, and your hobbies and interests before your first meeting, but a birth mother may ask much more personal questions that would ordinarily seem inappropriate.

Here are examples of some questions that an expectant mother may ask you at your first meeting:

  • Do you have other children or do you plan to in the future?
  • What made you want to adopt? • What is the rest of your family like?
  • Was anyone in your family adopted? • Do you have friends who were adopted?
  • What is your neighborhood like?
  • Do you want your child or children to follow in your footsteps, either professionally or educationally?
  • What are your thoughts on having a continuing relationship with me after the adoption?
  • What was your childhood like?
  • What are your parents like?
  • What does your family think about your decision to pursue adoption?
  • Do you have a plan about how you will explain adoption to your child?

Prioritize

Keep in mind that your first meeting with a birth mother who is considering placing her child for adoption will certainly not be the last if the adoption ultimately occurs.

For this reason, you should prioritize what you want to discuss and perhaps leave more sensitive or topics for when you and the birth mother are more comfortable with one another.

Decide what issues need to be discussed in your first meeting and try to stick to those topics if possible.

Contact Stuart & Blackwell to Speak with an Arizona Adoption Lawyer Today

If you are considering adoption a child, it is a good idea to discuss your circumstances with an experienced lawyer. At Stuart & Blackwell, we assist at every stage of the adoption process and will make sure that your adoption goes as smoothly and quickly as possible.

Should any issues arise along the way, we will zealously advocate for your rights and work hard to obtain the best resolution possible. To schedule a consultation with one our attorneys, call Stuart & Blackwell today at 480-420-2900 or contact us online.

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