While you might be happy to be rid of a troublesome spouse, there is a certain level of finality to the divorce when your ex-spouse is getting re-married. Deep feelings of anger, concern, or happiness often occur. Acknowledge the feelings and choose how you’re going to react. Remember, it’s better to act like an adult even if that’s the opposite of how you want to act in the heat of the moment.

Anger. What’s really going on isn’t that your spouse is using lessons learned from your failed relationship to make a new one a success, you’re just angry they are happy. Or jealous. This may be because you haven’t dealt with your anger about the failure of the marriage and/or you’re just not happy yourself.

TIP: Get over it. What’s done is done. No matter how or why the marriage ended, it’s old news. Your ex-spouse – and you for that matter – need to move on with your lives.

Concern. You may have legitimate concern especially if your mutual children are involved and you’ve got a right to be concerned. In an ideal world you would be able to spend time with your ex and the new spouse to get to know them so you know who your children are living with when they are not with you. More than likely, that’s not what’s happening.

TIP: Don’t use your children as the middle man to find out about the new spouse. Ask your ex yourself. Take the perspective of a concerned parent and nothing more. Even if you’re angry, jealous, etc., it doesn’t matter.

Happy. Sounds strange but you might actually be happy your ex-spouse has found someone new in their life. Bonus if you like the new spouse as it will also be good for your kids.

TIP: Remember what you learned as a child. If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Even if you’re not happy, pretend, and at the very least, don’t talk negatively about the new spouse in front of your children.

Even after divorce there can be significant emotions toward your ex-spouse especially when they get re-married. It’s important to keep yourself in check, no matter what might be going through your head, especially if there are young children involved.

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